Edison Brewing to Build World's Largest Brewery

The Ohio Daily Growler

NUCLEAR BEER?

Edison Brewing Company Acquires Former Intel Site to Build World’s Largest Craft Brewery

Gahanna, OH — In a stunning twist of industrial destiny, Edison Brewing Company has announced the acquisition of the recently-idled Intel chip factory site in central Ohio — not to build semiconductors, but to construct the largest craft brewery the world has ever seen. And yes, it will be powered by a nuclear reactor.

"Why make microchips when you can make microbrews?" — Zac Baaske Edison’s Head Brewer

The new Edison Megabrew Complex is slated to initially produce over 1 million barrels of beer annually, with surrounding fields of barley, wheat, rye, oats, and hops forming a golden grain fortress visible from space. The company plans to integrate cutting-edge energy systems, including a modular nuclear reactor, wind-powered aquifer pumps, and thermal wort-recapture systems.

Core Features of the Site:

• Nuclear-Powered Brewing: A small modular reactor powers everything from the canning line to the taproom jukebox.

• Wind + Water Synergy: Wind turbines pull ancient glacial water from limestone aquifers, used for both brewing and crop irrigation.

• Light Rail Connections: A new Edison Express line will run directly from the brewery to the original Gahanna location as well as New Albany and Westerville, with plans to expand to your city if you allow your water pipes to carry only Edison Beer. 

• HopDrop Roller Coaster: Future plans include a thrill ride that drops visitors into a vat of foam (sanitized, of course). Also a Lazy Beer River which is sure to be a dad favorite.

• Daily Beer Trains: Distribution rail lines will ensure Edison Beer reaches the farthest corners of the nation — and possibly the International Space Station.

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"If Willy Wonka ran a brewery and had a nuclear license, this is what it would look like," said Edison CEO Wil Schulze.

The first hop cone has been ceremoniously broken and ludicrous speed construction engaged. First cans are expected to roll out April 1, 2026 — assuming the reactor stays cool and the yeast don’t mutate.

Contact: 🌐 www.drinkedison.com/ 📧 sales@drinkedison.com